Cold Call Management Strategies


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I have never had an authentic phone call on my landline, only cold calls. In general, the caller has an Indian accent and cannot pronounce my name. If you ask where they are calling from, they saying something like “not far from you” or “the North”, begging the question. The problem with cold calls is that you have to wait a while before you can be sure that it is not your bank, or your insurance company, or a bona fide institution to which you belong. Once you are sure that it is a cold call, you can of course simply put the phone down. However, if you have a few seconds to waste, a certain degree of entertainment value can be derived from these impromptu voices from overseas. Here are two of my regular ripostes.
 
1.
Caller: Can I speak to Mr Matheus?
Me: He isn’t here.
Caller: You are not Mr Matheus?
Me: No, I’m the plumber.
Caller: Where is Mr Matheus?
Me: He’s back on the International Space Station.
Caller: When will he be returning?
Me: I don’t know, I’ll have to ask Mission Control.
Caller: This is the Pukka International Insurance Company. When can I call back?
Me: I don’t know. I’m just the plumber.
 
2.
Caller: Can I speak to Mr Matthers?
Me (outraged): How did you get this number?
Caller: Is this Mr Matthers?
Me: I repeat, how did get this number?
Caller: From the phone book.
Me: This number is not in the phone book. It is a highly secure, confidential number. Only three people in the world know this number. Your call has activated Red Alert. National security has been compromised.
Caller: It is on our list.
Me: Put me through immediately to your manager. Etc.
 
Does anyone else have any good cold caller management strategies?
 
Please share…

Une réponse à “Cold Call Management Strategies”

  1. I have a number of tactics. For gas and electrics supplier changes say that you don’t use either as you live in a forest with a wood burning stove. With accident claim specialists say you are accident prone and go through an absurd list of injuries you have had inflicted on you, then say you don’t want to claim as you deserved every single one.

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